I have been at several turning points in my life, which is why I recognize the signs. Several times I have asked myself the three questions, that according to Steve Harvey - The Comedian, drive all men:
Who am I? What am I? How much money do I make?
I obviously believe this drives many a modern day woman too... Each transition came down to me making a choice. The paths I chose for better or worse, I do not regret, though I do believe they led me away from my possible destiny.
The first time I was 26, home 2 years from the security of my work/live/travel life that was my experience onboard cruise ships. The transition from sea to land was not easy, struggling to make a shipboard romance into an earthbound relationship only got more difficult when trying to find myself doing odd jobs such as selling diet plans, merchandising fashion and even drafting. But as fate would have it these odd jobs lead me to the film industry!
Being influenced by friends in the business and after taking a few courses at the Vancouver Film School: Introduction to Film and Art Direction, (so I wouldn't make a fool of myself on set) I started as a permittee in the Set Dec Department and found a place I fit! I had natural talent and more importantly, the ability to listen! As I moved up through the ranks from truck swamper, to dresser, to buyer, to assistant, I could foresee a chain of promotions in various Art Department positions that would fulfill my need for all things new, exciting and creative! The bonus was that the jobs had a beginning, middle and end! A work pattern I learned to relish from my past tourism contracts. Work hard... take a break... work hard... take a holiday!
I LOVED going to work, even the 16 hours days were fine by me... The first day I walked onto a set I felt like I had come "home". I couldn't explain it... Maybe it was growing up glued to family sitcoms or the fact that I moved a dozen times as a child into new homes, giving me a chance to learn how to decorate, whatever the case, it just felt right.
Who was I? Trish!
What was I? A Set Decorator in Training...
How much did I make? $700 a week!!!
Isn't it funny, when you know what you want, the Universe tests your committment... This is when I met my husband. On one hand I had the potential of a career that fulfilled all of my professional desires, on the other a committed relationship with a man that "on paper" had all of the values, qualities and physical attributes I had been looking for in a partner. Hmm... Well as many gals approaching 30 I chose marriage, two weeks before my 29th birthday and didn't look back! I quit my job declaring it wasn't "conducive" to a relationship and began a home based event planning business to use my film industry contacts and dove head first into my new life!
Who was I? Tricia - but what last name do I use?
What was I? A wife.
How much did I make? It didn't matter, we were a team!
I rationalized leaving my Set Dec "Team" saying things like, "those people don't have a life", "those people don't have long term relationships", "those people don't have security". When in the end it was me who was left with none of this...
The second time I was faced with a life/career defining choice, I was 36. Almost 2 years to the day after my messy divorce from my fantasy marriage, I stumbled, wounded, back on track. A little worse for wear but with a new purpose. I was craving a creative outlet... During the divorce process, which I managed from afar in Whistler, I learned to stop downloading to my ever so tolerant friends, and vent on paper about all of the highs and lows of my change in circumstance, surprisingly, with a new found sense of humor! It was then that I looked into the writing program offered at the Vancouver Film School, to enter a different array of this industry I loved so much.
I spent months pouring over the online details and requirements for a Writing Program Scholarship because you see, my divorce left me not only wounded but broke. To accommodate the application process, I moved from Whistler back to Vancouver and even applied for "student status" at my Co-Op so I could afford paying a subsidized rent on a part time salary. I wrote a 2 page personal profile, a 5 page introductory essay, 3 creative writing samples and a feature film synopsis. I submitted these as requested with my resume, copies of my identification and 2 letters of reference. Then I waited...
But no... I was not one of the chosen few. You may say, this choice was made for me - but I was not ready to give up. I accepted my circumstance and took a job back in the hotel industry to afford taking the part time evening classes offered at VFS: The History of Film and Screenwriting I & II.
Over my first year of back to the city employment, I struggled with the demanding task of starting up a hotel from scratch, while maintaining my part time studies. Eventually the job became less demanding and rather than get back on track with my hobby of documenting the world around me, I relaxed into my environment. Years passed, my position evolved and so did I. I moved into the hotel and lived the life of Madeleine, this gave me the disposable income required to once again travel and explore! I also explored... being single, loved and lost, but in the end gained valuable and note worthy life experience.
That said, when I wasn't keeping myself busy and I gave myself time to stop and dream, I would dream about my stories, the ones that were tucked away in a drawer, would they ever be produced? Like children each story had it's own personality, it's own voice and message. Like a proud parent I hoped I would one day watch them leave home and make their way in the world contributing to those who took the time to get to know them.
Who was I? Tricia or Patricia?
What am I? A Hotel Manager?
How much money do I make? Enough?
These questions lead me to my third transition, when I moved to Kauai! Yes, a dream come true... Though if you have never lived on a tropical Island let me tell you... You become far too busy living life to sit down and write about it. When I left the mainland, I took a large pay cut due to the fact that my job managing a very small property would be part time instead of full time. The plan was to once again get back "on track" and focus on my writing!
Well... as previously implied, I accomplished very little. This is not to say, I did not have the time of my life and in the process collect the most amazing stories! I envisioned myself as the next Peter Mayle documenting all of the quirky local characters I encountered in my Village. Then again, the more I was accepted I found the prospect of airing the laundry of my new found friends and neighbors less appealing. As I became a member of the community, and was honored with the title of "Auntie", then I wouldn't dare think about writing anything that could or would possibly offend my family!
I never wanted to leave... I could completely envision my stress free future with sunny days that began with sunrise tai chi followed by a kona coffee beach walk, and ended star gazing, smelling night jasmine and being lulled to sleep by the sounds of the ocean. So, I made a choice... I chose to stay, give back my company's laptop and not look back.
But as fate would have it, this dream did not last. My property was sold and without a work visa or green card, I had to move home to begin my next chapter, this chapter. How timely is this recession, I have to say?! When you're like me and you rely on the tourism industry for your bread and butter you take a hit, when individuals and company's stay home and explore their own back yard.
Over the last 4 months I have applied for and/or pitched myself for 25 different jobs... Defeated in my attempts to find a fabulous hospitality/tourism job abroad or even in this city for that matter, I now find myself once again in question. Do I continue to beat a dead horse or do I take this opportunity of time, in Vancouver, and make a different choice? It's amazing when you have time to sit and reflect on who you are, what you want to do and how much you want to make...
I find myself writing every day - I am FULL of ideas, concepts and stories. Stories for books, television and film! I also find myself a little older, a litter wiser and having the same dreams of being a successful writer. So, for the first time in a long time, I am making a choice to be who I want to be rather than who I can be.
Next month, I will experience a full circle moment starting the Writing for Film & Television Program as a full time student at none other than my old friend - The Vancouver Film School. They say, third time's the charm... Wish me luck!
Who am I? P.
What am I? A Writer!
How much will I make? The sky is the limit!
xo P.
1 comment:
This is great! So funny when you look back on the path and see how each part makes you who you are.
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